Let’s get real right away: queer folks haven’t felt this unsafe in the US since the 80s and 90s; since the AIDS crisis and since coming out meant total banishment from mainstream society. After years of slow, methodical change, here we are, all feeling like our marriages, our families, our identities and our most basic rights are all sewn into a political football that can explode with elections in 2022 or almost certainly 2024.
So what do we do? Where can we go?
For some, staying, fighting and organizing is the only way to proceed. For others, finding a safe haven to live the lives we imagined for ourselves and our families is the only option. Then you start thinking about NYC, LA, San Francisco (too expensive, you think, and the fires and flooding, you also consider).
So you move your mental map to the north, Portland, Seattle, Minneapolis, maybe? Maine? Is there anywhere warm we can go, you wonder. A video on TikTok with millions of views asks a simple question: where can I go to be surrounded by trees and nature, but not republicans? The answer? At least in my mind? Abroad. That’s the only way to have the life you imagined for yourself here, before everything became so divided.
I suspect that, if you’re here, you fall into this second group of folks, doing all of this mental math about where to live. While we have no nation of our own to move to, there are many places in the world where LGBTQ+ folks and our families can live happily, safely and free from the whims of conservative right wing extremists.
Even though such a life-changing move may feel daunting, it is possible to make the leap from where you are today to a place where you can feel safe, calm and freer than you could ever feel in the United States. Also, healthcare is a human right literally everywhere else.
Top countries for queer expats
Step 1: Start Your Search With LGBTQ+ Travel Safety Lists
So, how do you know where you can move? There aren’t a ton of official, data-backed lists for top countries for queer expats qiute yet, but there are several well-researched lists focused on LGBTQ+ travel. Start with those. If it’s safe to travel there, you can be sure it’s safer to live there than if the country isn’t listed. These lists take into account social safety, legal protections, self-reported happiness of LGBTQ+ locals, and more.
One of the definitive guides available is The 203 Worst (& Safest) Countries for LGBTQ+ Travel compiled by Asher & Lyric. The list weighs various data available from 203 countries in areas regarding quality of life, legal protections, and other factors that may impact the safety of queer people in the country.
Top 20 safest countries to move abroad for LGBTQ+ expats
Canada
Sweden
Netherlands
Malta
Portugal
United Kingdom
Belgium
Norway
Spain
France
Iceland
Switzerland
New Zealand
Chile
Australia
Denmark
Uruguay
Austria
Finland
Ireland
(*according to Asher & Lyric)
This is a great place to start your search, but don’t only choose from this top list. Depending on other factors related to what you’re looking for, you’ll likely find potential options across the top 50 safest ranked countries, at least!
Step 2: Finding the ‘Why’ for Your Move
You won’t make your decision on where to start a life abroad from a data-based list alone, otherwise everyone would move to Canada. One of the things I always emphasize to people when they’re preparing to make the decision to move abroad is finding the ‘why’ behind the move.
To determine what your ‘why’ is, I developed an exercise known as the Five Whys test that’s fully outlined In my book How to Move Abroad and Why It’s The Best Thing You’ll Do. Start by asking yourself one essential “why” question about your motivation to move abroad. Then ask “Why?” to that answer, and to the next, and to the next, and the next, and the next — five times.
Here’s an example of how that might look:
Why do you want to move abroad?
Because I want to experience life in a different country.
2. Why do you want to experience life in a different country?
Because I am tired of the way things are here at home, and I want to see how people in [France] live their lives.
3. Why are you tired of the way things are here at home?
Because I don’t like the stress of the fast pace of my city and the semi-constant state of fear. I’d like to live somewhere simpler, easier.
4. Why do you want something easier?
I spend a lot of time and energy on things that don’t matter to me, but I know that there is so much more to life. I want to experience for myself an alternative, less stressful life and have an adventure at the same time.
5. Why do you want to have an adventure?
Because when I get older, I want to look back and feel like I actually did something with my life. I realize that my career is driven from outside factors — I need to earn a lot of money to keep up with the cost of living in my city, pay off loans, and save for the future. But that doesn’t feel like I am really doing something with my life.
I recommend trying this a few different times over the period of a few weeks to see what you come with each time and what changes you might notice in your responses.
Now, you may be wondering what your ‘why’ has to do with the safety of moving abroad. Finding your ‘why’ goes a long way in building your confidence and an “internal safety net,” so to speak. When you are living abroad (and even during the moving process), you’ll face different challenges and doubt yourself. Because of the challenging times you’ll face, it is important to get clear on your ‘why’ so you can have that self-assurance and sense of purpose moving forward.
Step 3: Gay-ifying your Why
Now that you really really know why you want to move abroad, you have to figure out where you can move to have what you want. And that means cross-referencing countries that can give you that lifestyle with countries that are safe for queer folks.
For example, if you want a cheap and easy beach lifestyle, you can take Aruba, Jamaica, and Malaysia right out of the list of choices. None of those are anywhere near the kind of LGBTQ+ friendliness most of us are looking for, and would require a semi-closeted lifestyle. You could consider Costa Rica, Mexico, Thailand or Portugal instead, for example.
If you want a job in tech in a big city, or you want to escape into the rural countryside, you’ll have to balance that with countries that are LGBTQ+ friendly AND have visa types that you personally qualify to apply for.
Unlike straight folks, us LGBTQ+ folks don’t have the option to mindlessly move to the cheapest country, or even one where we have a job offer, if it means we risk being imprisoned, hurt or even just isolated.
Step 4: Narrow down your choices
Now that you have an idea of what you want, and some of the countries where you may be able to find it and live a happy life as a queer expat, you have to narrow it down to a country or two to pursue more seriously (finding jobs, work visas, figuring out whether your budget allows for it.) How do you know if a country is actually really LGBTQ+ friendly, at least in the way that you would want your expat experience to be like.
Join LGBTQ+ expat groups on Facebook. Many countries (especially popular queer travel destinations) have Facebook groups not only for expats, but also for LGBTQ+ expats, specifically. Join these groups way ahead of time, even during the research process. Browse the resources in the groups, search for your questions in their past discussions, engage with other group members and ask what you really want to know about the current attitudes and dynamics of the country, or even specific neighborhoods and towns that are safer for queer folks.
Look into local LGBTQ+ organizations. I always recommend finding a few LGBTQ+ organizations in your countries of interest to see what kind of work and advocacy they’re currently engaged in. This is often an effective way to know very quickly what the main issues are in that country based on what a lot of the LGBTQ+ organizations are fighting for. You may also decide to contact certain organizations directly for more information.
Explore the attitudes towards queer culture. Things aren’t always what they seem on their face when it comes to a country’s attitudes and acceptance towards queer culture. For example, even though Portugal is a Catholic country, there’s not a huge amount of strong, opinionated feelings around LGBTQ+ cultures. It’s a “live and let live” society. Costa Rica, Mexico, the Netherlands, and Thailand are all very open to queer culture, as are many other countries, especially in Europe. And if you really want to move somewhere that isn’t in the top ten or twenty, you’ll probably be very happy there, as long as the country is generally known for acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community.
As you can see, it’s important to do a little digging and try to connect with some of the people and places in countries you are considering once you begin to narrow down your list.
The goal of this stage of the process is to identify places that are safe for you — both in the sense of socio-political security and in the sense of having the space to live out your ‘why’ freely.
Where my clients are moving right now
Right now, in mid 2022, the majority of my clients are relocating to the following countries:
Canada
Portugal
Sweden
Denmark
Spain
Italy
Germany
The Netherlands
England
Scotland
Mexico
A little more about me
I am an International Relocation consultant supporting LGBTQ+ folks, their families and allies to move, live and thrive abroad. I spent 15 years abroad, 10 of those years as an expat in Costa Rica, Guatemala, Germany and England, followed by nearly 5 years as a digital nomad spending weeks and months in over 40 countries worldwide.
Work with me
Start with the book: How To Move Abroad And Why It’s The Best Thing You’ll Do.
Pick up a copy of the International Relocation Guide.
Get personalized, custom coaching rather than figuring it all out yourself.